Last week, I made my usual trip to Walgreens and little did I know just how much comedy would ensue from picking my thyroid medicine.
First of all, what is up with the marketing genius who decided to name the generic brands of whatever at Walgreens, with the Wal prefix?
Yes, instead of Claritin, it's Walitin. Robitussin is Walitussin, etc. So, just for kicks I asked the pharmacist if they had generic tampons called Walltex, or better yet, what about condoms? Do they have Waldoms? Waljans?
She found it quite amusing.
Well, as I was walking out, I saw a display for Olivia Newton John products, with proceeds going to breast cancer research. Along with her various products, was a new CD from Olivia, which features songs that are meant to affirm one's self.
Since I've been feeling quite shaky, emotionally, and un-affirmed as of late, I thought this cd might be a positive. As well, I have a lot of respect for Olivia, as she beat breast cancer and she's not too bad on the eyes.
For $9.99, I decided to purchase it.
Once in my car, I popped it into the cd player and one of the first songs talked about how all of us are really linked together, and that we are one. I think it's called Strand of Pearls, or Pearls Before Swine, or it was something like that.
Whatever the song, it was making a real impact on me. As I was driving home, I was coming to the realization that we are all connected in one way or another. Either through our joy, pain, etc., the human condition is universal.
Tears were beginning to well inside of me, as I thought about how much I love every single person on this planet, even Charles Manson and George Bush, and how my problems are really a collective primal scream that each of us has at one time or another.
I was finally at peace, knowing that I was in one accord with all of my brothers and sisters. Life was beginning to look really sweet.
Then, I had to slam on my brakes, as the car in the lane next to me suddenly cut in front of me with no signal, going at a high rate of speed. My brakes screeched, and as "Lovely Livvy" was belting out "We are all just one in a string of pearls," I let out my own string of expletives, at the top of my lungs, with my window rolled down.
"You $%*@$ piece of *^%$, learn how to %^@#$% drive!," as I promptly gave him that most Christian of salutes with my middle finger.
Maybe I need to take a Wal-i-pin pill to help with my anxiety issues, because ONJ isn't cutting it.