Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Lead Pipe Society: Linda Schrenko to room with Big Betty!

My first inductee into the Lead Pipe Society is Linda Schrenko.

I will often have a title that will start with "The Lead Pipe Society." This is a special society, saved for those individuals with whom you wish you could have five minutes alone with them, in order to exact the punishment that might make you feel better. In no way am I advocating that someone truly use a lead pipe to exact revenge on anyone, and in no way do I endorse that sort of vigilante justice.

However, this is a good way to vent our frustrations. Some only need a few raps of the lead pipe, but others deserve a good whipping with one. OJ Simpson deserves a good whipping with one, as do any serial child molesters, etc., in my opinion. Politicians are in that category, also.

If you would like to nominate someone for "The Lead Pipe Society," please feel free to email me, and I will post it.

Back to the subject of my inagural post:

Today, Georgia is holding the 2006 Primary for several offices across the state, including the biggies: Governor and Lt. Governor.

My partner and I discussed whether we would even vote, as we still have PTSD over the first and second elections of our current President. (I can't even write his name, without needing a Phenagren), but we know that citizens from other countries like Sierra Leone, risk losing fingers, hands, arms just for attempting to voice their opinion during a vote. I have so much to say about the other reasons that we are bereft about even voting this year, but I'll save that for another post.

So, as I pressed my own index finger to the voting screen, this morning, I couldn't help thinking about Linda Schrenko.

Why did I nominate Ms. Schrenko for the Lead Pipe Society, you may ask?

Well, maybe because she ripped off students across the state of Georgia--most of whom think that Chernobyl is the latest perfume from Jessica Sim
pson--a state that is continually at the bottom of all education polls.

For those who aren't familiar with the current politics in the great state of Georgia, let me see if I can actually write a recap, without it sounding/reading like a dissertation by Earl Hamner at the end of an episode of The Waltons.

Linda Schrenko was elected as the state's school superindenent in 1994, becoming the first woman, and the first Republican, to hold that non-judicial office since Reconstruction. Whether I ever agreed with her politics, that was big step for women in this state.

She was re-elected in 1998, but decided to run for Governor in 2002.

I thought she was somewhat a loon, when she started pushing for creationism to be taught in Georgia schools, as well as when she battled appointed school boards just because they were Democratic appointees. Even better, she refused to speak to PTA groups, because she said they were too liberal.

But something stuck with the electorate, because they voted her into her position a second time. What I really remember, was her acrimonious relationship with Governor Roy Barnes, who was up for re-election in 2002. It was brutal.

Every time I looked at her, or when I saw her on TV, she was always wearing some waist-length mink coat. She just reminded me of some middle-aged, bored 'Lady who Lunches', whose picture you might see in the back of a really bad "Swingers" magazine.

The kind that would allow a naked Polaroid to be taken of her, wearing only the mink coat, with legs splayed wide open. But she'd make sure to blot out her privates, however had someone told her the truth, they would have blotted out her face, so more people would respond to the ad.

Harsh maybe, as I have been told that she is kind to animals--so was Hitler--having rescued Bassett Hounds, etc., but she came off as really cold, snooty and way too 'Bible'-thumpin' for my taste. The bad part was, at least for me, is that she railed against the GOP GOBs (Good Ole' Boys), here, and realized how sexist they were when it came to women in politics. Whether I agree with her politics, or not, she made strides for all women, by being elected to the same state-wide post twice.

To the surprise of Schrenko and Barnes (note to Barnes: Don't diss' teachers in an election year, and don't believe Republican businessmen), Sonny "Mah Flag" Perdue won the election, which ended the political life of Schrenko.

In 2004, Schrenko, who I feel portrayed herself as some sort of Maria Von Trapp for the state's school children, was indicted by a grand jury for supposedly embezzling over $600,000 from federal funds, some that were meant for deaf students.

What did she need that money for, anyway? It turns out she needed it for her 2002 bid for Governor, and...


Yeah, who cares if the deaf kids need new schools, or new books? Who cares if students in rural counties were forced to bring their own toilet paper to school, because the school didn't have enough money to afford items such as that?

Linda needed the same embalming fluid used to preserve the corpse of Eva Peron, to give her that young, yet pinched look, and who better to pay for it than a bunch of deaf kids?!

It turns out this friend of the fundy conservatives, allegedly had an affair with her campaign manager, who helped Schrenky-dink funnel over $600,000 in education funds into payments to companies set up by Steven Boats, who performed no services for said payments.

At first, she pleaded 'not guilty' to the 22 counts of money laundering and fraud charges, but after her lover pleaded guilty to wire fraud and conspiracy charges, ole' Linda decided to sing like a canary about her co-defendants, and agreed to plead guilty to Fraud and Money Laundering, in exchange for an 8-year prison sentence.

After she asked U.S. Judge Clarence Cooper to be placed in a minimum security prison in Tallahassee, FL, Judge Cooper said the following:

"You're the reason the public confidence in the political process continues to erode," Cooper said. "Hopefully the sentence, and the humiliation you subjected yourself and your family to, will send a strong message to public officials on the state, local and national levels."

Cooper also ordered Schrenko to repay the state Department of Edcuation $414,887.50, and added three years of probation and 100 hours of community services.

But wait..there's more.

It looks like she's still going to get a pension from Georgia, which will give her enough money to pay back the state, and still have money to live a comfortable life when she gets out of prison.

So, let's see, I work as an independent contractor and I have to pay for my own health insurance at $521 a pop each month, but a convicted felon will receive a pension of around $3,000 to $5,000 per month.

I think Judge Cooper should have gone one step further:

He should have ordered Schrenko to do community service by visiting deaf schools around the state, and, using sign language, she must tell every student,

"Hi, I'm Linda Schrenko. I stole money from you, and all YOU got was this lousy facelift!"

I love it that some inane reporter asked her whether she was going to write a book, while in prison.

Yeah, how about this one, "The Children Couldn't Hear Me Laundering Money Anyway: The Linda Schrenko Story."

But, you know, if I were Linda, I'd sue the plastic surgeon who basically didn't do anything but use anesthesia for a couple of hours, then tell her she looked different. That's $9,500 she could return to the state.

Linda before facelift

Linda after facelift

Ms. Schrenko will be taking her own 'menstrual show' on the road, to a minimum security prison near you very soon, where I hope she rooms with a big ole' CEO disel dyke who will continually hide the toilet paper from her boney ass.

Thus, forcing Schrenky-dink to perform degrading acts of slammer sex on 'Big Betty' in order to be able to wipe her privates on a continual basis, or maybe in Linda's case, to be able to use a 7 Iron on the prison golf course, while 'Big Betty' continues to say, "What? I can't hear you?," when Schrenky-dink begs for tp.


Suzer said...

Maybe we should go to CafePress and make some of those t-shirts! I'd buy one.

Anonymous said...

You have no idea of the whole story.